Musthav A. Swingset, nee Pinetree, of Wallingford, Pennsylvania died on August 15, 2012 after a brave and prolonged battle with wood rot and neglect. He was 12 years old. Born in 2000 and adopted by the Mendell family that same year, Mr. Swingset never quite lived up to the promise inherently implied by the sales literature which sucked his parents into the “Creative Playthings” showroom and spit them out $2500 poorer. As part of the suburban folklore which tells young parents everywhere that their children will grow up to be violent sociopaths unless they have backyard access to a swing, slide, and tall fort, Mr. Swingset had thousands of brothers and sisters, many who have predeceased him.
Despite the excitement directed towards him in the earliest days of his life, Musthav was rarely used, particularly in his later years. He was moved from his original home in Marple Township to Wallingford, PA in 2005 in hopes that his parents would realize some additional value, but ultimately sat unattended. Euthanasia was attempted once in 2010 but was stopped in a last minute death row plea and ultimate pardon by a young Chase Mendell who threw a small hissy fit when faced with the terminal nature of Mr. Swingset’s condition. That same young man was reportedly at summer camp when his father, David S. took a chainsaw to Eustav this time around. All reports indicate Mr. Swingset died peacefully and without incident.
Services will be held this coming weekend – and every weekend during the Fall — around the Mendell fire pit, complete with marshmallows and s’mores. Musthav would have wanted it that way. In lieu of flowers, the family requests that contributions be made in Mr. Swingset’s name to the Home Depot Grass Seed Trust Fund set up in his honor. Expressions of empathy may be posted below in the comments.