Comments on: Lessons of Alison

By: jennifer

jennifer — Sat, 12 Mar 2011 04:16:50 +0000

Excellent point, Elizabeth, we do still tend to think that it’s mostly men who die of heart attacks. Even though there’s been a big push to educate us that heart disease is in fact the top killer of women. You lost your mother and grandmother way too early. Just think how much they would love that little baby girl of yours!

By: Elizabeth@Life in Pencil

Elizabeth@Life in Pencil — Wed, 09 Mar 2011 17:16:41 +0000

My mom also died suddenly of a heart attack at age 51 (we forget that heart disease is the #1 killer of women, trumping the next 10 causes of death COMBINED). The scene of her memorial service was much as you describe. Personally, I think it’s important for children to go to funerals, although I know some would disagree. Though the experience we teach our children that death is a part of life, although a part of life that most of us don’t want to acknowledge, especially in our immortal-obsessed culture. I went to my first funeral at age 8, for my grandmother (who died at 53), who was like a second mother to me. My most salient memory is my mom holding me and crying, one of only two times in my entire life that I ever saw her cry.

By: jennifer

jennifer — Mon, 07 Mar 2011 19:44:26 +0000

The funerals of children are the hardest. So unfair.

By: Deirdre

Deirdre — Mon, 07 Mar 2011 18:37:28 +0000

Graham’s first funeral was for his Granny when he was 9. I comforted him. His second funeral, when he was 10, was for a 5YO friend. He comforted me.

By: Emily

Emily — Mon, 07 Mar 2011 17:45:04 +0000

Im so sorry to hear about this. You have had your share of heavy losses this last year. My grandfathers funeral was my first as well — I was in high school. I haven’t had to attend that many but it is inevitable that these will be part of my calendar more often as I get older. They are reminders for all of us – young and old — that life is not a do-over. Thanks for sharing the lesson again.

By: jennifer

jennifer — Mon, 07 Mar 2011 17:01:06 +0000

Linda, my first funeral was my grandfather’s – I was seven. There was an open casket. You definitely don’t forget that…

By: jennifer

jennifer — Mon, 07 Mar 2011 16:03:53 +0000

Thanks, Chris – my overwhelming feeling was feeling cheated that I didn’t know Alison better. I was one of those people ruing all the times we did NOT get together.

By: lindacopy

lindacopy — Mon, 07 Mar 2011 16:03:02 +0000

I’m also very sorry to hear this. Alison does sound wonderful and I agree, if the memorial service is among loving friends and relatives, the children can gain valuable insights. They can also feel a part of something larger, even if they don’t understand everything that’s going on. I don’t remember my first funeral, but I’m almost certain I was already in my twenties.

By: ChrisG

ChrisG — Mon, 07 Mar 2011 14:52:01 +0000

I’m so sorry for your loss. I saw her obituary in the Inquirer on Sunday and was struck by how young she was. And I’ve also found that children are somehow able to absorb things like this with grace and acceptance.