Comments on: Proposed: A Clothing Code

By: jennifer

jennifer — Tue, 25 May 2010 16:06:39 +0000

Judy, I’m now starting to wonder if the origin of the phrase “wearing his heart on his sleeve” goes back to the armband. As a librarian, you definitely have a window into people’s lives – your friendly but nonprying approach sounds perfect.

I love your closing lines.

By: judy berna

judy berna — Tue, 25 May 2010 14:05:14 +0000

As someone who’s gone through many emotionally trying periods of life I love this post. I love the ‘discussion afterward’ too.

I work at the circulation desk of a public library and have learned first hand how people are truly walking around fragile sometimes.

One woman had lost her mother the day before our exchange. (we shared tears). Several of our patrons are checking out books for sick, blind or dying spouses. (or to read themselves as they sit by their beds, watching over them)

A ribbon or armband would be so helpful to me. For now I have just learned to politely say, “Hello”, in a friendly voice, but let them lead with any conversation that might take place.

It’s a rough world out there, isn’t it? We all need to remember, on a daily basis, how to take care of each other.

judy
justonefoot.blogspot.com

By: jennifer

jennifer — Tue, 25 May 2010 01:10:20 +0000

Winnie, your last sentence hits the nail on the head. I am very prone to take things personally. Need a reminder that sometimes it’s not about me, it’s about them.
By separate email, Lindsay has just suggested an armband reading “Fragile – Don’t Ask.” The desired effect would be to forestall any prying questions.

By: Winnie

Winnie — Mon, 24 May 2010 23:55:13 +0000

Great post, Jennifer. Since no one is wearing an armband yet, this reminds me to be more sincere in my greetings rather than tossing off a “how are you” as I rush by. Also, if someone seems tense or fraught maybe I should assume they have a reason to be wearing an armband and not take it personally when when they seem to give a brush-off or get snippy.

By: jennifer

jennifer — Mon, 24 May 2010 20:58:17 +0000

Emily, good connection to Baby on Board signs. Those definitely enraged people, didn’t they? Not the desired effect. The armband would be different – not so much “my baby’s life is worth more than yours” but “something awful has happened to me.” Deb, I had never heard of the pin with ribbons. Now I will start paying more attention to people’s brooches. Anne, good point – you would be opening yourself up to the sympathy of strangers. Maybe in the old days, the etiquette was clear – you didn’t ask or pry, you just tacitly understood something about another person’s life.

By: Anne

Anne — Mon, 24 May 2010 19:38:52 +0000

I actually love this idea, but at the same time, I would be afraid the arm-band would make nosy folks approach me with no warning. A stranger coming up and saying, “Oh, I’m so sorry” might be just as hard as ignoring them. But I do love this idea, and had never thought of wearing mourning clothes in such practical terms.

By: Debby

Debby — Mon, 24 May 2010 17:45:39 +0000

I, too, have burst into tears at inappropriate moments — once ordering some meat for a funeral wake — and wished there were some way of telling the world I was not quite all there. In Judaism, you are meant to rend your clothes when someone close to you dies — there are of course rules for that. Modern practice is to wear a black armband or to wear a kind of pin with torn black ribbons attached. I saw a woman at the movie theater last week with one on — which felt a little strange, but it was her mourning, not mine.

By: Emily

Emily — Mon, 24 May 2010 17:15:10 +0000

I love the idea of some sort of sign that you are undergoing serious stress or loss. This is going to sound really cold but it would be better if they were “official” and issued by doctors/hospitals so that people don’t wear them when they are just having a shitty day. Because if everyone wears one – it takes away the point and people may not pay heed. Remember the backlash against Baby on Board signs? I’m just sayin. But it brings up an interesting question: What situations are worthy of an arm band? How bad does it have to be? I could have worn one all last week if the bar was set low enough…

By: jennifer

jennifer — Mon, 24 May 2010 15:00:47 +0000

Holly, like you, I have gone through some traumas and felt very fragile for months. One result was that I was much more compassionate to others. However, I’m sad to say, that was a temporary effect and it eventually faded away. Again, armbands would remind me that someone else needs a break
Linda, I don’t remember that story! Such a thing should never happen to anyone but least of all to you, of all people. I’m glad justice was finally done and the clerk got the axe. Actually, you bring up an interesting point – almost everyone in line at a pharmacy is going to be feeling worried – clearly they or a relative has a health problem – people who work in this department should be extra kind and sensitive. Alas, it is seldom so.

By: lindacopy

lindacopy — Mon, 24 May 2010 14:32:55 +0000

I like the idea, too. Not as a mandatory (as it was in days gone by) but as an option for the grieving person. I remember shortly after my mother died, needing to go to Rite Aid about a prescription for my small child. The pharmacist had gotten the dosage wrong– TWICE — and I was actually bringing their 2nd mistake back to them. After waiting ten minutes to the side of the line, I caught the pharmacy helper’s attention with an “Excuse me, but this prescription I just picked up for my son is….” The woman yelled at me, presumably for interrupting her, and I barely made it out to my car before bursting into miserable tears. Boy, could I have used an armband that day! (I learned later that this particular woman had a history of rudeness to customers and was fired soon thereafter.)