The first night of Hanukah was last night.  Our family tradition (which I followed strictly as a Jewish child growing up in the suburbs and dutifully passed onto my boys) is to light the candles after dinner and then run, screaming in anticipation to the family room sofa, where you sit very close together with your eyes squeezed shut and your arms outstretched.  The words “gimmee, gimmee, gimme” are never spoken but conveyed in a greedy spiritual kind of way.  Mother then scurries off to the “secret” hiding place, which the kids have known about for weeks, and selects the presents for that evening.

On the first of these eight holy nights, when we are reminded of the miracle that took place and saved our ancestors so many years ago, Dave and I gave the boys… knives.

Of course, we first gave them each a block of wood to whittle.  Nothing gives a parent more joy than to watch their child open a piece of wood for Hanukah.  The expression of total anguish on their faces (“This is our present?”) will keep Dave and I warm all winter long.  I even let it go on for a while, insisting that I thought they might like to “color” the piece of wood as an “activity”.

But alas the pocket knives came out and they bolted to the basement to begin their creations.  Dave and I sat at the table drinking coffee and listened to their excited chatter below which inevitably escalated into trash talk and finally, accusations.  At that point, I got my Hanukah present – something I always have a use for:  The Big Giant I TOLD YOU SO.  As the screams made their way up the basement stairs I turned to my husband and smiled:

“And now they have weapons.”

Peace on earth.  Seven nights to go.

Noah:  Mom, do you think one year we could do the whole Christmas thing?

Me:  Do you mean like doing the Jesus thing?  The church thing?

Noah:  Uh, no.  I mean the lights thing and the tree thing and the Santa thing.

Me:  Hmm.  If we did, do you think Santa actually would stop by our house?

Noah:  You have a point.  He probably wouldn’t.  Sigh.

Me:  Sorry, dude.

End of discussion.

It comes as no surprise that the Jewish kids want to convert to Christmas.  Not Christianity, mind you – but Christmas.  Note to all missionaries who are considering disenchanted Jewish children as candidates for conversion:  When proselytizing,  skip the holy stuff and go straight to the merriment.   Remember, we are the religion that artificially elevated the importance of Hanukah just to make sure that the Christians didn’t hold the monopoly on December exuberance. 

But truth be told, we can’t compete.   

Christian kids get the tree, the characters, the songs, and one mother lode of a morning, where I guarantee you there are usually more than eight presents per capita.   We get a spinning top, a candle holder, potato latkes, and usually a cap of eight presents, including the last night of Hanukah which inevitably yields something equivalent to a new pair of socks.  And then there are the decorations.   A view of our neighborhood:

Next Door Neighbor #1          Next Door Neighbor # 2

Our House

Dave lovingly refers to our home as “the dark hole at the end of the street.”  He’s right.  But I’m okay with that.

I have come across two very polarized “Jew views” regarding the crossing over to Christmas.  I know Jews who have the Christmas tree and do the Santa thing despite the fact that no Christians live in their home.  I also know Jews who get totally offended when people wish them a “Merry Christmas.”  I struggle with both of these extremes. 

Jews who choose to celebrate Christmas instead of Hanukah not because they believe in the Father, Son and Holy Spirit but because it’s more fun seems off kilter to me, especially if they want to continue to identify with being Jewish.  It’s like secular embezzlement.   Plus, we Jews don’t have huge numbers to begin with.  We need all the team players we can get.  I worry that assimilation will one day breed extinction.  I also wonder how the Christians feel about these Jewish “tourists”.  I honestly don’t’ know.

On the other side, I see absolutely no reason why we can’t share the joys of Christmas with those Christians who are kind enough to offer it.  That includes singing along to carols that you can stomach, taking a drive to see the lights, and thanking people who wish you well by saying “Merry Christmas”, even if they didn’t get it exactly right.

So our house will remain the dark hole at the end of the street.  Our neighbors, who are blowing fuses as I type, insist that the whole “light thing” is overrated.  Perhaps the lights truly are always brighter on the other side of the fence.   I’m glad we can enjoy the view.

‘Tis the season to wrack my brains for holiday gifts ideas.  When it comes to giving that perfect something to that perfect someone, I am neither creative nor crafty which makes me feel rather inferior to the bakers, scrapbookers, knitters, basket weavers and photogs. 

A fair warning to my future friends and loved ones:  You will never receive anything from me “Made with Love”.  Bought with Delight?  Yes.  Purchased with Pride?  Absolutely.  Overspent with Honor?  You betcha!

Compounding my predicament is the fact that I will only buy gift cards as a last resort.  Call it a pet peeve of mine but this gift card explosion has become rather irritating.  I realize my disdain is completely irrational because I really like receiving gift cards, especially to restaurants. Everyone likes gift cards.  But I feel guilty about buying them because it is just too easy.  If I am obligated like you enough to buy you a holiday present, then darn it, picking something personal out is going to take the time and energy necessary for my husband to have me committed you deserve.

In all seriousness, gift giving this year requires a little more thought from all of us.  No one is terribly optimistic about the economy and most folks I know are tightening their belts out of necessity or fear of future necessity, yours truly included.  So, in that spirit, I am calling on all MoB readers to submit their best, most creative holiday gift ideas that are inexpensive, thoughtful, easy, and have been actually proven to put a smile on the recipient’s face.

Here are a few of my winners, not terribly original i.e. you have probably heard them before but they work well and make me feel good:

For the Kiddos: Top Chef Night – For Hanukah people, this idea can count for one of the eight crazy nights.  For Christmas folks, a coupon for this event is a great stocking stuffer or suitable for an “under the tree” present.  Buy a family cookbook or use something that you already have.  Ask the kids to select the entrée and dessert.  Break up into teams (recommended for siblings) and have each child be responsible for one item.  Go to the market that very night as a family, buy ingredients and everyone cook and eat together.  We started this tradition last year and the brothers are already asking if we can do it again.

For the Extended Family:  Dollar Store Pollyanna’s – The adults in my extended family stopped exchanging one-to-one gifts years ago, opting to draw names for a Pollyanna swap.  A fifty dollar limit was set (and consistently broken).  Gift cards became the norm. This year we have made the limit $5 – no exceptions.  Thoughtfulness and creativity will be required and more fun (I believe) will be had in shopping and exchanging.

For Anyone:  Magazine Subscriptions – True the magazine industry is in dire straits but there still exists a publication for just about everyone.  I usually buy and wrap the latest issue off the newsstand, first tearing out the subscription card inside and sending it off.  With the exception of the weekly entertainment magazines which cost a sculpted arm and cellulite-free leg, you can get a year’s subscription for $20-30 dollars.  My Dad, who is the hardest person to shop for, loves that I get him Consumer Reports each year.  Just be prepared to get inundated with renewal notices two weeks after the subscription begins.

So, what do you have for us gentle readers?  Leave us a comment, telling us what has worked and for whom.  Or if you have had a terrible experience with a certain gift item, warn us before it is too late!

We are counting on you.