Comments on: The Age of Discontent

By: goofdad

goofdad — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 23:35:04 +0000

As someone who is learning first hand what a damaged child looks like, I need to tell you: you’re fine.

Of all the things I’ve gained from the experience of fostering Topher, perspective is the best. Dealing with a child who is truly suicidal, who cuts himself because it makes things BETTER, who wraps his emotions around a relationship at the drop of a hat trying to find one that lasts, who pushes any real relationship away because everyone he’s ever cared about has screwed him …

Breathe easy … it’s painful, but it’s small stuff. Your boss is right: it takes a LOT to screw up a child.

By: judy

judy — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 20:48:34 +0000

Reading this post made me wonder if you’d been spying on our house this week…normally sweet 17 year old son suddenly started spewing hateful remarks to me and his loving dad….and I, like you, wondered if it was ‘just’ teen angst or my boy going off the deep end of disrespect..and then wondering when to challenge his comments and ‘punish’ and when to just let him cool off. SO much harder than toddler stuff to me.

Hang in there. I always tell my hubby, who stresses about this stuff a lot, “wait till they’re thirty…they will SO appreciate you by the time they are thirty!” (I really think they will by 25 but want to give ourselves some room…)

judy
justonefoot.blogspot.com

By: jennifer

jennifer — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 10:42:37 +0000

Linda, I didn’t know you volunteered at C to C with your guy! Emily did a wonderful post about that organization many moons ago and I just recently told Malcolm that we are going to volunteer there…as soon as C to C is settled in at its new place. Love your wonderful wording – break up the self absorption. Exactly!

By: lindacopy

lindacopy — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 03:57:14 +0000

Really good blog, Emily. To shake up the self-absorption and help our kids develop an understanding of others who have less than they do, I’ve found that even a small amount of community service (parent and child together) goes a long way. One of the best things my 13-year-old son and I do together is volunteer once a month at Cradles to Crayons. It’s really fun and it brings out all the good stuff (in both of us). Plus, it brings something fresh to our relationship. I have another mom to thank for putting me onto this.

By: terry

terry — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 23:43:11 +0000

I can help here! It’s nice to have OLDER friends. When Kyle hit puberty I felt EXACTLY the same way. I was sure this what life was going to be like until he left for college.

But guess what? It took a few years, not every moment was hideous but he turned back into my thoughtful, sweet, loving son.

Now new problems plague us. Like driving and girlfriends and parties with alcohol.

Wait to worry because once he gets his driver’s license that’s all you will be doing.

By: MelanieO

MelanieO — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 15:28:48 +0000

Don’t disregard Chase’s input altogether, difficult as it may be to hear in the moment. During a recent showdown with my daughter (none of us are perfect parents, after all), my 5-year-old wisely piped up, “Mommy, I think she’s not listening because you’re yelling too much.” It caused me to pause, collect myself, and try a different and – not surprisingly – more effective approach. He got extra dessert that night!

By: Elizabeth @ Life in Pencil

Elizabeth @ Life in Pencil — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 14:56:55 +0000

As a soon-to-be parent, I share the same concerns about becoming a good parent. But as I sat in my midwife’s office yesterday afternoon and looked around the waiting room at some of the other people, I thought, “Hm, I think I’m going to be okay.” I really think teenagers are born to be completely self-centered and self-absorbed — at least to a degree. I was a pretty good kid, but I was just AWFUL to my parents when I was a teenager. It’s funny how we can be nice to perfect strangers, but act the most awful towards those we love most — whether we’re a teenage or not.