Comments on: The Question of Kids http://mothersofbrothers.com/the-question-of-kids/ All about life with boys...and life in general Sat, 21 Dec 2019 17:09:13 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Kristen @ Motherese http://mothersofbrothers.com/the-question-of-kids/comment-page-1/#comment-20698 Kristen @ Motherese Thu, 22 Mar 2012 13:47:07 +0000 http://mothersofbrothers.com/?p=6951#comment-20698 What a brave post, Emily, and one that I hope finds its way into the hands of anyone considering becoming a parent. Like you, I feel like I received decidedly positive messages about parenting from family, friends, and the media (well, Married with Children notwithstanding...) and I was shocked by how fully becoming a mom changed me. But here's the thing: even if I had read your post before getting pregnant with my first, I'm not sure I would have done anything differently. Reason wasn't playing a big role in my choice to have kids. What a brave post, Emily, and one that I hope finds its way into the hands of anyone considering becoming a parent.

Like you, I feel like I received decidedly positive messages about parenting from family, friends, and the media (well, Married with Children notwithstanding…) and I was shocked by how fully becoming a mom changed me.

But here’s the thing: even if I had read your post before getting pregnant with my first, I’m not sure I would have done anything differently. Reason wasn’t playing a big role in my choice to have kids.

]]> By: » Other Mothers Mothers of Brothers: All about life with boys…and life in general http://mothersofbrothers.com/the-question-of-kids/comment-page-1/#comment-20695 » Other Mothers Mothers of Brothers: All about life with boys…and life in general Thu, 22 Mar 2012 12:46:55 +0000 http://mothersofbrothers.com/?p=6951#comment-20695 [...] The Question of Kids [...] [...] The Question of Kids [...]

]]> By: jennifer http://mothersofbrothers.com/the-question-of-kids/comment-page-1/#comment-20676 jennifer Wed, 21 Mar 2012 12:47:11 +0000 http://mothersofbrothers.com/?p=6951#comment-20676 Long ago, Ann Landers ran a survey asking people if they would choose to have children again, knowing what they know now about parenthood. The results? A majority said they would NOT have children. This unleashed a firestorm of controversy and handwringing. The most popular theory was that disgruntled people are the most motivated to respond to such a survey, and there's probably some truth to that. It's one of the few specific things I remember about good old Ann's long-gone column. Long ago, Ann Landers ran a survey asking people if they would choose to have children again, knowing what they know now about parenthood. The results? A majority said they would NOT have children. This unleashed a firestorm of controversy and handwringing. The most popular theory was that disgruntled people are the most motivated to respond to such a survey, and there’s probably some truth to that. It’s one of the few specific things I remember about good old Ann’s long-gone column.

]]> By: Jessie http://mothersofbrothers.com/the-question-of-kids/comment-page-1/#comment-20656 Jessie Wed, 21 Mar 2012 00:52:00 +0000 http://mothersofbrothers.com/?p=6951#comment-20656 A brave and thoughtful (and thought provoking) post. Sometimes I think the fact that my first pregnancy was not exactly "well-planned" was a blessing because right off the bat I was too stunned to have high expectations. I will say that motherhood continues to introduce me to parts of myself I didn't know existed...some parts are strong and beautiful; others are f**ked up in a serial killer kind of way. A brave and thoughtful (and thought provoking) post. Sometimes I think the fact that my first pregnancy was not exactly “well-planned” was a blessing because right off the bat I was too stunned to have high expectations. I will say that motherhood continues to introduce me to parts of myself I didn’t know existed…some parts are strong and beautiful; others are f**ked up in a serial killer kind of way.

]]> By: Stef http://mothersofbrothers.com/the-question-of-kids/comment-page-1/#comment-20645 Stef Mon, 19 Mar 2012 23:25:40 +0000 http://mothersofbrothers.com/?p=6951#comment-20645 Would I change it if given the chance? No. Maybe. No. Motherhood swallows you whole, only to regurgitate you, then swallow you up once again. This is not to say that the undigested parts are mangled and raw, quite the contrary. Motherhood made me grow up, then grow down. I have seen parts of myself I never knew existed, and my capacity for love is staggering. But I will say this, as a divorced mother of 2, I feel parenting is better suited for two. I miss having a partner to pass the torch, and to laugh or cry with. Sometimes I feel lost at sea, or wrung out. Then someone will tell me how great my kids are , and I realize that I am simply caught up in the day to day minutia, which is the condition of Motherhood. They do way more than stand on two feet and drool, my kids are lovely , articulate, bright and funny as hell. Actually, if they weren't mine, I would still like to know them. Feather my cap, and feather theirs too. Would I change it if given the chance? Today..No. Thanks Em. As always you shine the light on just the right spot. Would I change it if given the chance? No. Maybe. No. Motherhood swallows you whole, only to regurgitate you, then swallow you up once again. This is not to say that the undigested parts are mangled and raw, quite the contrary. Motherhood made me grow up, then grow down. I have seen parts of myself I never knew existed, and my capacity for love is staggering.
But I will say this, as a divorced mother of 2, I feel parenting is better suited for two. I miss having a partner to pass the torch, and to laugh or cry with. Sometimes I feel lost at sea, or wrung out. Then someone will tell me how great my kids are , and I realize that I am simply caught up in the day to day minutia, which is the condition of Motherhood. They do way more than stand on two feet and drool, my kids are lovely , articulate, bright and funny as hell. Actually, if they weren’t mine, I would still like to know them. Feather my cap, and feather theirs too.
Would I change it if given the chance? Today..No.
Thanks Em. As always you shine the light on just the right spot.

]]> By: Meghan @ Life Refocused http://mothersofbrothers.com/the-question-of-kids/comment-page-1/#comment-20639 Meghan @ Life Refocused Mon, 19 Mar 2012 21:01:57 +0000 http://mothersofbrothers.com/?p=6951#comment-20639 Ditto to what Melissa said. I think this is a really important post that more women who are considering motherhood should read. Ditto to what Melissa said. I think this is a really important post that more women who are considering motherhood should read.

]]> By: Elizabeth Grant Thomas http://mothersofbrothers.com/the-question-of-kids/comment-page-1/#comment-20638 Elizabeth Grant Thomas Mon, 19 Mar 2012 19:50:34 +0000 http://mothersofbrothers.com/?p=6951#comment-20638 This is a great post, Emily, and I echo all of what Melissa said above. As a relatively new mother who, for a long time, was very conflict about whether to begin this journey at all, I don't yet have the perspective you have. I am still very much in the trenches, and still feel blindsided, in so many ways, by this decision. A lot of the intuitions I felt about what I wouldn't enjoy about parenting -- at least this stage of parenting -- were spot-on. But somehow I let those Hallmark versions cast out the voice. I wish I could say I would have heard those truths spoken to me, but I'm not sure I would have been able to at that juncture. In any event, here is to more honesty in the discourse! This is a great post, Emily, and I echo all of what Melissa said above. As a relatively new mother who, for a long time, was very conflict about whether to begin this journey at all, I don’t yet have the perspective you have. I am still very much in the trenches, and still feel blindsided, in so many ways, by this decision. A lot of the intuitions I felt about what I wouldn’t enjoy about parenting — at least this stage of parenting — were spot-on. But somehow I let those Hallmark versions cast out the voice. I wish I could say I would have heard those truths spoken to me, but I’m not sure I would have been able to at that juncture. In any event, here is to more honesty in the discourse!

]]> By: Melissa http://mothersofbrothers.com/the-question-of-kids/comment-page-1/#comment-20637 Melissa Mon, 19 Mar 2012 16:22:40 +0000 http://mothersofbrothers.com/?p=6951#comment-20637 I'm sure you won't be surprised to see a comment from me on here, as I have been vocal about my decision not to have children and my struggle coming to terms with that choice. I think it's especially down to those strange, silent signals we women pick up on that you noted here (motherhood will make me complete). I think you're 100% right that it's so much better for people to really think about the choice they're making with parenthood-- the true rewards and sacrifices, not the Hallmark card version. I commend you for your honesty and bravery writing about this topic. And as a "non Mom" I really appreciate knowing that other women understand and respect my choice. I’m sure you won’t be surprised to see a comment from me on here, as I have been vocal about my decision not to have children and my struggle coming to terms with that choice. I think it’s especially down to those strange, silent signals we women pick up on that you noted here (motherhood will make me complete). I think you’re 100% right that it’s so much better for people to really think about the choice they’re making with parenthood– the true rewards and sacrifices, not the Hallmark card version. I commend you for your honesty and bravery writing about this topic. And as a “non Mom” I really appreciate knowing that other women understand and respect my choice.

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