Comments on: The Chore Thing

By: East Coast Surfer

East Coast Surfer — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 12:11:02 +0000

I’m gonna wait til you ask me again to respond…

By: Patti

Patti — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 04:40:23 +0000

I love this!! I bet a list from mothers of sisters would look nothing like it.

We were at a wedding of a dear friend years ago. I had a lovely chat with his brother, who is a farmer. We were talking about all of the chores his kids did around the farm and I asked if he paid them for their work. The look on his face was priceless, but his answer was better, “sometimes I pay them, but mostly it’s just living.” I have adopted this with my boys, and every time the subject of compensation comes up my answer is the same, “boys, it’s just living!”

By: Dr.Ruth

Dr.Ruth — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 00:59:15 +0000

@RuthWells – I have one with Aspergers and one with ADHD (and oh, did I mention #3 who had a stroke at birth?). What I have found is that the chart (sorry, Em!) really helps. They each have a chart with their picture on it and a list of things they each day when they get home from school. It’s not so much a chore chart as a way to help them structure and organize what they need to get done (do homework, homework in homework folder, homework folder in backpack)and make sure everything is where we need it the next morning (coat in cubby, shoes in shoe thing, backpack in cubby, etc)

Like many others, we have disassociated allowance from contributing to the household. My middle guy asked what he got for unloading the dishwasher – I said, “you get to live in my house and eat my food” . We have tried to simplify the “I did it last time!” argument by assigning the oldest to odd days of the week and the middle to even – if we happen to eat out on your day to empty or load, you get a “pass”. If it’s your dish day, you load and unload as many times as a household of 5 needs to run the dishwasher that day.

I WOULD pay money if they would just close doors – bathroom doors when they’re inside doing their business, doors to the outside when it’s freezing cold, the pantry door, the shower door, the car door in the parking lot (cannot tell you how many times I have walked out of a store I’m already in to close a door that someone just remembered they left open)

Loved your list, Emily!

By: Papa

Papa — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 00:28:13 +0000

Maybe you should establish an allowance and as Mo suggests they get docked $ for things not done in a timely manner. Making a bed is a call that is tough. We didn’t enforce the rule but that doesn’t make it right. Write it up and check it off then do the math with them. If they go into the red, don’t let them run a deficit, take something away that they value (Nurf Gun, Sword, Wii). Tough moves, yes.

From their loving Papa

By: Mo

Mo — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 23:09:16 +0000

Don’t ask me. As we struggle to get our kids to embrace a handful of trivial (but well compensated) chores, I am reminded that my dad docked my allowance 50 cents a day for three years for refusing to make my bed. Genetically speaking, I’ve got an up hill battle (and a bit of what goes around, comes around).

By: RuthWells

RuthWells — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 16:19:17 +0000

Boy, this one is tough. With our boys’ Aspergers’, we’ve accidentally come down on the side of expecting less of them than we should. Trying to rectify now and make up for lost time. But I still don’t give a crap about whether the beds are made….

By: jennifer

jennifer — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 15:44:15 +0000

Throwing away empty food packages would be lovely. Is it really so hard? I find boxes containing one piece of Life cereal, or cookie containers with only crumbs, scattered around countertops and tables.
Making beds is very important. A professional house cleaner once confided that making a bed beautifully and vacuuming the rugs made a room appear to be “done” even if it really wasn’t. So as God is my witness, I will train the boys to make their beds each morning before they leave this house. And then when they go off to college and live in a dorm, all my work will be undone. Sigh.

By: lora

lora — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 15:38:03 +0000

this has me giggling!

I remember when I was little, I would never make my bed if a side of it was pushed against the wall. it’s just so hard that way.

I would pay big dollars to have someone put away my clean clothes. And clean the kitchen floor. And the cat box.

By: Nikki Benner

Nikki Benner — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 13:49:27 +0000

Hee! funny. When I lived in my first apartment with roommates, I called my mother at one point and apologized for every time I left out dirty dishes, put back mostly (or completely) empty boxes/ bags of food, and left the utilities running… As to paying for chores – my parents did give us an allowance (until we were of work permit age), but it wasn’t tagged to chores. They made it clear that doing chores around the house was a part of being a part of the household. They also gave up on the clean room bit, but the flip side was that I was responsible for doing my own laundry and making my own bed. If I didn’t have clean clothes, oh well. If I didn’t match, oh well. Friends who came over and saw my “sty” got grossed out, so I learned to clean my room when company was expected… I learned pretty quickly to be responsible for responsibility’s sake. After all, a lot of the chores on the above list only negatively affect the boys if they don’t get done. Fight with them over the ones that negatively affect YOU (like walking the dog or taking out the trash). I’d also make it clear to them what the penalties are for not doing their fair share (eg: they have to do their own laundry if they don’t put their clothes away within x day(s) of it being washed and folded for them; if they don’t clean their room on Saturday, you’ll clean it for them on Sunday…).