Tomorrow morning as America lies sleeping, Dave and I along with the rest of the A-team will be racing in the DQ Marlton Lakes Sprint Triathlon. So what happens when a bunch of forty-something suburbanites decide they have something to prove, but aren’t exactly sure what that is? Let’s take a look:
Meet Emily a.k.a. The Purple Heart, who has been battling strep throat all week long which was preceded by a hand sprain and a bike wipe. On the outside, she is sweet as pie; on the inside she is a competitive bomb about to explode or maybe just erupt in a fit of coughing worthy of a sanatorium.
There’s Dave a.k.a. Surf, Emily’s husband who hasn’t trained two days in a row since June. He thinks a week surfing in Costa Rica counts but he doesn’t know how mistaken he really is. Some say Emily’s nagging has worn him down to a shell of man. But that shell might be all he needs to cross the finish line ahead of everyone.
We have Mo a.k.a The Rock, who has been thrown her share of challenges in the last month, the least of which is living in a house she claims is condemnable as she tries to hold her family together amidst a major construction project and weekly spinning class. Will this J.D. PhD, super Mom of two have what it takes to smile for every photo as she has done in the past, or will we finally see the signs of strain thorugh the camera lens?
Don’t count out Doug a.k.a. The Soldier, the dutiful husband of Mo. An Air Force Academy grad, he has the discipline and training lurking somewhere deep inside of him. Yet strangely we have yet to see it. (We suspect he has trained even less than Dave.) Will his -5% body fat be enough to for him to make a showing? More importantly, when he beats everyone with just 11 hours of total training, how will the rest of the A-team kill him and dispose of his body?
How about Liz a.k.a. The Contender who we suspect has been training secretly at night by the light of the moon so as not to seem too intense to the rest of the group. She plays the game and pretends to be worried about the swim; but the A Team has her number and expects her to mercilessly pass each and every one of them, laughing all the way.
And finally Andi a.k.a. The New Girl who has never trained with the A Team but we like her so much she is coming for pasta dinner tonight. She, too, was forced into a duathlon earlier this summer and has felt the pain we have endured of not being able to say you completed a real triathlon. Her ability to run and trepidation around water could make her Liz’s greatest ally – or most foreboding arch enemy.
Six athletes adults. One finish line. And the only thing that lies between them are all the other grown-ups trying to have a productive mid-life crisis their own fears… and each other. Be sure to tune in later this weekend for the most shocking conclusion…
