Dimensions in Wording

This coming Wednesday I am honored and privileged to be co-presenting three back-to-back sessions on the topic of blogging at Dimensions in Living 2013. Impressive  sounding, yes? Indeed, it is.  But I know what you are wondering:  What, pray tell, is this Dimensions in Living of which I speak?

A.  An in-depth workshop on creativity and mindfulness?

B.  An exclusive forum of individuals seeking to embrace the spirit of carpe diem?

C.  A mind over matter symposium to change your life by changing your perspective?

Well, dear MoB readers, the answer would be D – none of the above.  Despite its moniker, Dimensions in Living is none of these new wave, new age events.   In fact, it is far nearer and dearer to your hearts than you could have ever imagined.   Dimensions in Living is Career Day.  At our local middle school.  Where Chase is a seventh grader.

At some point along the way, some important person  thought that calling this annual mash up of parents coming to school to talk about what we do “Career Day” was too limiting… or too broad…  or too offensive…  or  too suggestive…  or too clear.

I’m hoping it was the latter.  Because for the life of me, I can’t find any fault with “Career Day.” So I have to believe someone wanted a fancy upgrade that would be unique to our school district.  If that’s the case, then the re-branding of the Career Day has been a resounding success.  Only the people in our small town who share DNA with a middle school student knows what Dimensions in Living means.  And it isn’t the first name change initiated to confuse parents like me.

Did you know that there is no longer a class called Home Economics?  It is now called Family Consumer Sciences.  (The cool kids say FamConSci.)  There is no Home Room.  My son goes to his Connections class. Wood Shop is Tech Education.  English is Language Arts.  The PTA is now Home & School.  And simply uttering the words Junior High School is a dead giveaway that you are in your mid 40s.  Its all Middle School all the time. Word.  Uh, or words…

I am certain there is good reason behind all these name changes other than to make us parents feel more old, less hip.  Perhaps fancier is better and raises all of us up to a higher ground.  If that is the case, then why stop at Career Day?  Why not rename EVERYTHING to better reflect the intricacies and complexities that are embedded in the world of K-12 education?  Where should we start?

Math = Numeric Neuro-Synthesis

Detention= Post Academic Custody

Snow Day= Precipitative Interlude

Gym Class= Metabolic Acceleration Hour

Homework= Nightly Parental Seminars

Recess = Atmospheric Exposure Occasions

Hall Pass = Trespassing Waiver

History = Hindsights

Teacher = UberMentor

Lunch Lady = Culinarian for the Masses

Library = Google

I could go on but I have to turn my attention to my presentation for Dimensions in Living.  The stakes are indeed as high as the name of the event suggests.  Should I misstep or misspeak the dimensions of my son’s middle school life could be irreparably altered for the worse.  Thankfully, he offered some sage and timeless advice:

Pavlovian Motivation?  Nah – just candy, me thinks.  Some things will always speak for themselves.