fairy godmother

Ever wish you had a fairy godmother? Godfather? Godsister?  I realize these sprites don’t truly exist, but I do think that now and again you run across people who, for some unknown reason, are on your side and there to help – even if it’s in the short run. 

I’ve admitted to those closest to me that the New Year has left me a little stuck.  For years I have always had a plan du jour of some sort – something I have wanted to accomplish – and working towards those goals has historically kept me happy and occupied.  My modus operandi is responsible for getting my essays published, my black belt in karate, starting Mothers of Brothers with Jennifer, and two triathlons this past summer.  I had passion for all of those things – which is why I succeeded.  Yet, in the last several months, I haven’t been able to muster up the passion for much. And as the New Year approached – the time of year when you are supposed to be finding your center – I felt pretty lost.

My friend Elizabeth at Life in Pencil explained to me that I was having an existential crisis.  That made me feel better because it made my slothy blahs sound more intelligent.  Camus.  Sartre.  Mendell.  Yup.  I’m in good company.  So for the last few weeks I have tried to “just be” — and see what happens.

What has happened is that I am going a little batty.

I have said it before. For those of you who have ever expressed envy over my (or anyone else’s ) ability to conquer projects and achieve things, this is a double edge sword. Being alpha is challenging.  I am almost never at peace.  As I spent vacation doing nothing, I convinced myself that something was going to happen that would point me in the right direction.  I wasn’t sure what it would be or whether it would be a good or bad thing, but oh yes, it would happen.  Every day I would update Dave and my mom, letting them know that “it” hadn’t happened yet. They tell me I’m not very patient.  But this week something happened. Perhaps

Enter Terry Castle who is a friend of a friend of a friend.  More specifically, she is a friend of Lindsay who happens to be one of Jennifer’s best friends.  She is also a writer and blogger at Happily Ever After Birth where she au pines about raising her two teenage boys.  AND she is the daughter of one William Castle, legendary director and producer of horror films including Rosemary’s Baby.  Terry herself has a taste for the macabre but you wouldn’t know it by just reading her blog. 

There are a handful of bloggers that I read because they hit me square in the heart or the head or the gut.  Terry’s posts often get me in those places, as she struggle to figure out who she is now that Mom is becoming less of the job it once was. Terry lives in Marin County just over the Golden Gate Bridge.  As luck would have it, I happen to be in San Francisco this week and asked if she would like to meet me for dinner. Brave woman that she is – as I could have been a total weirdo – she said yes.

I won’t go into the details of our dinner at A16 (OMG the burrata and duck meatballs could have ended my existential crisis on their own) but suffice it to say, I am ready to stop whining about finding something meaningful to do with my free 8 minutes time each day and just get busy doing it.  Terry, who has several writing, producing, media driven projects in the air, is a huge fan of The Artist’s Way which is basically a self help process for creative lunatics.  It involves a number of steps including writing morning pages – LONGHAND in a notebook – to get going.  Her praise for the process was contagious, her passion for her own projects was inspiring, and her willingness to help a writer she doesn’t really know get on a good path was generous and heartfelt.

So maybe my fairy godsister is the daughter of a late horror film producer.  Why not?  I bought The Artist’s Way in the airport.  I’ll start next week.  Even if it translates into nothing, I made a new friend, which frankly is enough.  For now. 

Crisis averted.  For now.

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