On Wednesday night on my way to visit the amazing Jessie and her family, my gas light came on – which compelled me to first take a picture of it for MoB and then stop and fill up my tank. I probably didn’t need to stop. I likely could have made the round trip with the gas light on – but I’m not “that kind of person.” As I stood at the pump, I realized that there are many different kinds of people when it comes to the art of gasoline consumption. If I were so bold, I might say that your gasoline habits might define you.
As many of us jump into our cars and take off this holiday weekend, I offer a few gas-trologic profiles for your consideration. See if any of the following sound familiar:
Gas as Destination – You are known for going to get gas as an activity, as opposed to something you do “along the way.” You leave your house, announcing “I am going to get gas,” and return immediately once this mission is accomplished. You are conscientious and purposeful, over the age of 60, and in need of more things to do. If you are under the age of 60, you are subject to intense ridicule.
Gas As Social Status — You insist on putting premium gas in your crappy car to make you feel better about your inability to afford a car that actually requires it. Any suggestion that the regular gas works just as well is offensive to you as the advice giver OBVIOUSLY knows nothing about automobile performance… of a Ford Focus. You are male, age 20-40, socially status conscious, and average 20 mph over the posted speed limit.
Gas as Adrenaline Rush –Once the gas light goes on, you let it remain lit as long as possible. Pulling into the gas station as your car is puttering on empty is a total high for you. You like to live on the edge and frequently do so alone, as friends stopped driving with you years ago.
Gas as Bare Necessity – You insist on putting no more than $10 of gas at a time into your car, despite the fact that, over time, the amount of money you spend is the exact same. You are thrifty, sometimes to a fault, but your checkbook is perfectly balanced and you have no debt.
Gas with a Dose of OCD – You pump your gas so that the money you owe is completely even. If by chance the gauge goes to $30.01, you keep pumping to get to $31.00, even if you are paying with a debit card. You love order in life and you iron your jeans.
Gas as Package Deal – You take maximum advantage of all the wonderful accoutrements at the gas station including the windshield squeegee, the trash can, the air pump, the vacuum and the television. Sometimes you will even buy a Hot Pocket in the convenience store. You embrace all that life has to offer you and enjoy all you can eat buffets.
Gas as Bargain – You will drive an extra five miles out of your way to save five cents per gallon. You are a champion for the little guy and secretly believe most conspiracy theories. You suck at math, especially word problems.
Gas to the Last Drop – Once the pump automatically shuts off because your tank is full, you know better… and top off. You have the maximum number of “after pumps” almost down to a science. At home your toothpaste tube is rolled to the brink and when no one is looking, you lick your ice cream bowl clean. Sometimes your shoes smell like gas.
Gas As Savior from the Apocalypse – You never let your gas tank get below the ¼ mark for fear of running out of gas at the same time Armageddon breaks out in your town. You also still have the duct tape and gallons of unused water in your basement from 2002. Often you cross over into the Gas as Destination category if the tank hits ¼.
A Gassident Waiting to Happen – You ignore warning signs telling you not to leave the running pump unattended or use your cell phone while filling your tank. You are a busy person with too much to do and find it hard to just stand there and watch the gas go into your car. You sometimes text while driving but admit this to no one because YOU are always VERY careful. Your initials are EM.
Safe travels and a happy holiday weekend to all MoB readers!