Today my Chasey turns 9 years old.   Last evening, we outsourced his birthday party as we have done with both of the brothers since they were born.  After all, their original birthdays didn’t happen at home due to the danger and mess involved.  The same holds true today.  Consider the following theorem we have derived and apply each year to determine if the party should be held in the house:

{nBoys > 5  + Cake * (Parents ≠ Children) + (TypeAMommy – TypeBDaddy) x 2 hours} = Outsource

This formula has never been wrong and this year was no exception.  We took a group of Chase’s friends and cousins to the aptly named Oasis Family Fun Center where they followed strict birthday rules:

Rule #1:  Maintain perpetual motion at all times, especially in ball blaster area.


Rule #2:  Pose for just one annoying picture so Mom will stop stalking you.


Rule #3:  Consume some sort of food dye that turns your mouth blue.


Rule #4: Get embarrassed when everyone sings.


The fact that the only heavy lifting we did for this party was to hand over our credit card to the fine people at Oasis, I suddenly felt that my personal Mommy Universe was out of balance and required an extraordinary effort to reset my guilt level back from its current state of  ”considerable” to its perpetual state of “mild”.  There was only once way to do this, of course – the birthday rainbow cupcake cone.

There are two types of Mommies who even attempt this classroom birthday treat:  The Qualified and The Guilty.  The Qualified Mommies realize that bigger is not better and follow directions when the box says to fill the cupcake holders 2/3 full.  The Guilty Mommies think that larger rainbow cupcake cones will make up for the fact that we were out of town for three days last week.  Needless to say, the Guilty Mommy’s motivations and cupcakes are slightly askew.


Yet both are solely born out of love for this kid of mine.  I marvel at and wonder how we could have possibly created such an exquisite creature.  My son, the world is a better place with you in it.  Chase, Chachi, Bubba, Crimefighter, Cha-cha, Moocha-Loocha, Face – Happy Birthday.  Or as they say in the land to which only you and I travel:  Meep.


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