With much of the health care reform debate centering on the issue of cost, allow me to offer but a single idea that could potentially add up to billions of dollars of savings, hours of enhanced productivity, and a redistribution of revenue away from the EVIL insurance companies and into the hands of average Americans.
Introducing… One Strep — the Home Strep Throat Test
Here’s how it works. Just like Tupperware, MaryKay Cosmetics, and sex toys costume jewlery, One Strep kits are sold by Moms, all in the comfort of your own home. After all, who knows strep throat better than a Mom who has lived through maybe 50 occurrences in a life time? The kits come in packs of five, ten, and if you are a crazed reality TV family who saddles every kid with a name beginning with J, 200. Have a OneStrep party for your friends and earn free kits for yourself! Believe me, they will come in handy.
Let’s face it. You KNOW when your kid has strep. BUT, the docs are pretty darn insistent that your child be SEEN before prescribing an antibiotic. And we all know what it is like sitting in a doctor’s waiting room with a child who has a burning throat and a fever. But with One Strep, you can say goodbye to all of that.
Just like a home pregnancy test (remember those days?), One Strep has an absorbent tip which you lightly swab on the back of your child’s throat.
Not too hard now! We don’t want to clean up any vomit. Within minutes the results appear in the special box on the One Strep wand. Got Strep? A smiling pink bottle of amoxicillin will appear. No strep? An evil laughing clock will come into view, indicating that your child has something viral that will last for days.
Now this part is important for those who discover their child does have strep. Replace the protective cover over the One Strep Wand and hand it in to your local pharmacist who will exchange it for a 10 day supply of some yummy pink stuff (which we never ever finish). This air tight process will keep the amoxicillin junkies from trying to game the system and feed their addiction (as if anyone could ever get addicted to that vile stuff).
All of this gets done without ever bothering your pediatrician, who has to deal with plenty of other ailments that we Moms know nothing about. You’ll save time and money. So will the docs. And the One Strep sales team will earn some much needed cash in these troubled economic times.
So forget about those death panels. Let’s rally around an idea both Rs and Ds can agree!
One Strep is the answer.
Who’s buying?
