blog 072Our boys refuse to use what we call the “kids’ computer.”  I don’t know why – it’s giant, beige,  steam-powered, and sits on an abandoned desk.  The monitor portion is as deep as an oven.  And although it is possible to get on the internet using this cast-off monstrosity, it takes “a long time” – maybe 40 seconds, versus the half a second they’re used to on Mom’s computer.  Waiting this long is unacceptable, and so they lurk around the house, waiting.  To pounce. 

On my computer.

When I go downstairs for a cup of tea af 4 PM on a weekday, I see a flash of color streaking up the stairs past me.  “Hey, how was schoolllllllll?”  Racing footfalls drown out any muttered response.  The same children who don’t hear a repeated request to empty the dishwasher or notice a basket of folded clothing in the middle of their room develop exquisitively sensitive reactions to every squeak of my office chair or creak on the stairs. 

They’ll seize any opportunity to get on Facebook, the new agora of adolescence. 

Recently, Hugh alleged that “everyone” at his school owns a personal laptop.  Under cross-examination, his statement crumbled and he admitted he had perjured himself.  In fact it is untrue that “everyone” has a laptop.  However, “everyone in his group” has a Mac book or personal computer, except one other kid.  And that will change at Christmas, at which point, Hugh will truly be the biggest, and the only, loser. 

This is the curse of living in a relatively affluent area.  Years ago, a kid in Hugh’s Little League dugout had his own blackberry.  This way, he could make even more of those urgent prank calls.  Or notify the bullpen when the pitcher flagged.  Why would an 11 year old ever have a blackberry?   So we would all know that his parents were idiots?  

Malcolm has broken two cheap, basic phones and we’re not getting him another one.  In this drama, I am cast as Cruella DeVille, Chris as Simon Legree.  However, since all of Malcolm’s friends have phones, we just insist that he call us on a borrowed device, and that way he still stays in touch.  This works beautifully in theory, but in reality, his friends “forget” their phones, or “turn them off.”

I would love to hear what the norm is in your part of the world, even if it’s a mile away from me.  Do all the teens have laptops?  Do all the pre-adolescents own iPhones?  Did your kids get laptops and blackberries at age five?  And is this all madness, or what?

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