Yesterday, while idly watching the Today Show, I was captivated by a story about a Canadian Air Force officer who led a secret life as a sex pervert/sadist/cross-dresser/murderer/scrapbooker.

Yes, it was when they said that he was “scrapbooking” his crimes that I really took notice.

On the screen flashed photos of this crew-cutted strong jawed man in pink bras and polka dotted camisoles, his chest hair spilling out everywhere.

Like every porn addict and pervert I’ve ever heard about – i.e. those who have been arrested - he was maniacally organized.  His crimes were logged on a spreadsheet.  His stolen girly lingerie was fastidiously arranged by size and color.  (Believe me, no woman’s bra and pantie drawer has ever been so perfectly kept.)  Photos taken in the homes during the break-ins were meticulously labeled.   And, horribly, the guy ended up torturing and killing two young women.   Nobody suspescted him, least of all his wife.

The whole story led me to three thoughts:

1.  Thank heavens the squeaky-clean Canadians are finally stepping up and producing their share of twisted, double-life-leading weirdos.   America – and specifically Florida – has hogged that category for far too long.

2.  Why is it that those with sex obsessives are always neat freaks, obsessed with cataloging and organizing their collections?  There must be some way to channel these people into productive jobs as librarians or personal organizers.    And have scientists mapped exactly which gene is responsible both for sexual perversion and for over-the-top tidiness? 

3.  I couldn’t get past the reporter’s use of the word ”scrapbooking.”   Picture the Canadian guy pondering which paper to matte the self-timed photo of him posing in the beautiful black lace padded bra.  “Hmmm, should I use the tiger stripe glossy, or this sheet of zebra?  Tiger or zebra?  Zebra!”  Now that family-worshiping Mormon mommies (credited with starting the scrapbooking craze) long ago moved into blogging, the paper products industry has, I would assume, been in a bit of a slump.  I sense an opportunity here for the scrapbook business.  Maybe Martha Stewart can start manufacturing sadist and pervy speciality items for Michael’s.  I’m thinking teeny tiny felt whips and handcuffs, bras and panties, dungeons and locks, all of which would be just darling embellishments for the average sadist’s scrapbook pages.

Your thoughts?

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