Inspired by a middle-aged woman spotted at a gas station near the New Jersey turnpike, I am planning to get a tattoo. This woman had one on her neck. When necks get crepey, cover the wrinkles with gothic printing. People will be so busy reading your neck, they won’t notice that your neck is no longer so taut.
She also had a tattoo on her calf. My eye was drawn to her leg, trying to read what was inked on it. In a world in which we ignore billboards and pop-up ads, flesh is the freshest frontier in advertising media. It’s outdoor AND indoor advertising. It’s in grocery stores AND churches. It’s whereever the tattooed body goes. People have already started selling space on their bodies to advertisers. It had to happen.
I’m pondering what I would get permanently inked on my neck. It has to be something I love and always will. Not a Harley Davidson logo, that’s not my thing. Not “I Heart eBay” – because now I heart etsy. With age comes wisdom. There may be a day when I no longer heart etsy either. Mothers of Brothers would work if we stacked the type. Ditto the names Chris-Ian-Hugh-Malcolm.
Maybe I’ll copy Angelina and ink on the longitudinal and latitudinal coordinates where each of my babies was born. Drexel Hill, PA will appear much more mysterious when spelled out in numeric code.
People seem to enjoy having their favorite cartoon characters etched on their legs. My legs are long enough to do justice to Marge Simpson and her mile-high hair. One of my favorite cartoon characters is the housekeeper in Tom and Jerry – but you only see her from the waist down. That would be a post-modern tatto choice. Half a person on half a leg! Has such a thing ever been done?
The number one reason I want to get a tattoo, and I encourage all MOB readers to do the same, is this. When middle-class, middle-age people start flocking to tattoo parlors, our kids will rebel by not getting inked.
So please, take one for the team. Get your tattoo today.
