Last night’s news had a report that American children are now spending almost the equivalent of a full workday staring at a screen.   Facebook.  XBox.  Texting.  TV watching.  Web surfing.   It adds up.

Big deal.  I would like to point out that I, a representative of the middle-aged American,  am a target of marketers as well.  Screens are now everywhere in MY life too! 

Let the teenage boys have Fuel TV.  Ha!  I am transfixed by Gas TV’s report on Heidi’s latest burst of surgeries as I fill ‘er up with unleaded.

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At the grocery store, my beloved beloved screens are everywhere.  I especially relish Meat TV.

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Although Fruit TV is also highly entertaining.  I try to be at Acme every day at 3 PM for some excellent recipe tips.  Whoever is programming Tuber TV has a future at NBC.

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At the end of my shopping trip, I begin to go through withdrawal from screenland.  But wait!  There’s more!  Bless you, Check-Out TV.  Thank heavens I don’t have to flip through horoscope booklets or God forbid, talk to another person near me.  I can zone out and watch the cathode rays while I wait to pay.  Sometimes the little snippets about Jennifer Aniston’s latest break-up are so compelling, I buy the latest copy of HELLO!

january 502








On to the gym.  This used to be a waste of perfectly good TV-watching time.  Either I had to watch the communal TV that was tuned to sports or Fox, or I had to read a magazine.  Gah! 

Thankfully, the YMCA recently got brand new treadmills.  Now we can all be trudging couch potatos!  Just plug your iPod in for sound while watching your own personal choices.  (When I get my iPod set up, I will do this too.  In the meantime, I watch the clumsy closed captioning).  Since Ian refused to take my photo in this public place, I had to take my own photo.  That’s my hand, switching channels.  Oh look, Tyra!

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At around mile two, I got bored and needed a new show.  Flipping to TLC, which used to stand for The Learning Channel, I watched that kooky couple from Arkansas – the husband and wife with 17 kids – as they blundered into a head shop in San Francisco and puzzled over the crazy glassware!

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A show called Toddlers and Tiaras, about baby beauty queens, was being hyped.  I believe TLC now stands for The Lowest Class.  And TreadTV calls itself Cardio Theater.  Very culturally enriching.

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Thank you, social engineers or evil enemies from outer space, for guaranteeing that we never have to be without a screen again, no matter where we are or what we’re doing.  TVs in cars, bars, trains, planes, restaurants, grocery stores, gas stations, copy shops, gyms and post offices – all we need are more screens in libraries, yoga studios, houses of worship, and hiking trails and in national parks, so you can beam messages into our heads 24/7.

Then ours will truly be a utopian society.

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